- Acknowledge the Wrongful Act
You need to begin by saying ” I was wrong and I am sorry.” There are no substitutes for this admission. If you say something so please guilt an d were wrong dumb like “I am sorry that you think I was wrong,” you might as well spare yourself and not bother. 2. Acknowledge that You Have Hurt her Feelings.
- Understand that your wrongful act has hurt her feelings and made her feel disconnected from you. You cannot reconnect without attending to the feelings piece. So you say “I was wrong and I am sorry that I have hurt your feelings” Once again, you cannot wimp out by fudging and saying ” I am sorry that your feelings are hurt” You have to connect your wrongful act to her hurt feelings.
- Express Your Remorse
An expression of remorse and regret is the way you demonstrate your ability to feel an appropriate response to her hurt feelings. So you say, “I was wrong and I am sorry that I hurt your feelings and I feel terrible that I have done something that has hurt you.” (It will help here if you actually look remorseful)
- State Your Intention Not to Repeat
This may be difficult particularly if you are a repeat offender but it is an expression of your acknowledgement of your need to reform. “I know that I am sometimes insensitive to what you need but I am going to try my hardest not to do it again.” If you smirk at this juncture you’re going to have to go back and start all over.
- Offer to Make Amends
If you don’t know what would help ask her. “What can I do to make it up to you?” The particular act of contrition may be negotiated but the important thing is to express your willingness to do something by way of compensation. Of course, once you commit to do something you need to do it lest you render the entire effort useless.
- Seek Forgiveness
Forgiving is an act that liberates the forgiver from anger so seeking forgiveness is not as self-serving as you may think. A simple “will you forgive me?” will usually suffice but if you want to avoid appearing presumptuous, or if your offense was particularly odious, you might want to first ask “can you forgive me?”